why me?

Yes, why ME?

Why must everything crumble round me? Why can't the heavens leave me in peace? I'm not Triptraka, neither am i yearning to be the next Bodhisattva...I do not envision myself to be the next mountain-climbing, Channel-swimming or living-in-a-tank national hero. I just want to be an ordinary citizen doing ordinary work and having an ordinary family. Why must my life be so miserable?

My Dad would always say: What to do? Life is like that...
Well, it seems we're all being manipulated by Fate. I do hope someone bribes Fate to give me a better life.

I don't want to travel to and fro school with a 10kg load on my shoulders, literally. Little wonder i'm getting shorter and shorter. No pun intended. My Dad says his lappy is heavy. He carries a Travelmate and me, the second cheapest 2003 IBM R40. That thing could kill. It's worst than my wife i used to carry in the army. All these do not even include the perils of travelling in crowded buses filled with rich, spoilt brats who own cellphones and mp3 players god-knows how long it would take me to save up to buy them. I mean, i'm like carry a time-bomb around. My lappy costs like 2,300++ and i don't have that much 2,300++ in my bank account.

I've always hoped my room's soundproof. Not that i'm like making out in my room or anything. I just want a quiet, peaceful environment to study, to do my revision. If you've been reading my entries, you'd have known by now the utterly irritating condition my mum has. I do hope my FYP supervisor reads this. As least he would know that not everyone has a happy and supportive family. At least he would hesitate before throwing a B for my FYP. I do need a B+. All my hardwork would have gone down the drain with a B. I loathe travelling to school in the first place. But where can i find a more conducive environment other than the school? But it means wasting at least 3 hours travelling there. I could have completed my revision with that wasted time if not for my mother-who-drove-me-out-of-the-house-with-her-senseless-i'm-talking-to-myself-nonsense.

I went to school again today. Felt real unwell. No other choice. Had to prepare my presentation slides for the interim presentation on Monday. Have lots to tell. But my mum's with her nonsense at 2am in the morning again.