y i dislike special days

I dislike public holidays. I dislike days of special significance. It wasn't like that when i was much younger. I had lots of company then. Holidays didn't bring as much loneliness as they do now.

When my younger brother and i were still in our primary and secondary school, we absolutely adored holidays. They were days when we could get together with our basketball games. They were times when we would sit in front of the google box playing our favorite Sega or Nintendo games. They were instances when we could wander about Ang Mo Kio Central to look for new games and toys. Both of us spent our holidays togetther.

Now my little brother is married. Although i very much am happy he's living life to rthe fullest, i am saddened by the lost of company. My brother and his wife do make lots of efforts to accomodate the lonely me, and i fully appreciate their actions. I don't have very good friends who'd spent weekends with me.

The very crux to my lonely life, i have to admit, is that i'm single. I have nice sisters and friends who'd tell me not to worry about landing myself a girlfriend. Well, worry is not a precise word to describe that exact emotion. I'm not worried. I'm just disappointed. I'm just dismayed. I'm just lamenting how useless and hopeless i am. I'm just lonely.

Put it this way; even nthe last of my bachelor buddies just got themselves female companionships within the past year. No more Friday pool sessions. No more Sunday mahjong sessions. Everyone's have someone to talk to; everyone's have someone to wtach movies with; everyone's have someone to whisper sweet nothings to. Everyone except me.

Imagine not watching movies at all cos there's no one to share your popcorn with. Imagine shopping alone all the time. Imagine not wanting to leave home most of the time cos the sight of couples after couples outdoors would only remind you of your solitude. Imagine not celebrating your birthday at all cos there's no one around to sing a birthday song. Imagine going bowling alone while you see lurvy-dovey couples sharing their bowling games. Imagine paying for cellphone bills knowing that you under-utilised them again cos no one messages nor calls you frequently.

While there is freedom being single, but what is freedom for when there isn't restriction. I may spend money on buying stuff for myself, but do i gain any satisfaction in doing so? I may save up lots and lots of money, but do i feel happy about it? I'd be happier spending money on someone to make her happy. I'm happy when my parents are happy. I'm happy when my little brother is happy. But would anyone care if i'm happy? Would anyone feel my disappointment, my dismay or my anxiety?