sighs

I haven't recorded any posts since like two months now. Exams, theses, papers, presentations...All these looming in the past two months. They're finally over. Hopefully. In the meantime, it's job searches and more job searches.

Surreal. I can't quite accept the very fact that i've been studying like all my life and now this phase has ended. A major transition of one's life. A transition that carries with it lots and lots of responsibilities. As much as i would love to have a nine-to-six, five-day week engineering job, circumstances forbid such luxury. Choose a job which you are interested in, most people would say. That's only when one comes from a well-to-do family. Do i have a choice? No.

For all i know, i live in a three-room HDB flat with neither an air-con nor a shower heater. I don't really have my own room and there's always someone who'd meddle with my stuff. While homes are inner sanctums for most people, it is more of an eternal hell for me. I don't find peace nor tranquility at home. So much so that doing anything at home is impossible. Studying, reading, sleeping.....Such pleasure i could never have indulged in at home.

Some gamble their wealth away. Some spend them on clubbing. Some on clothes. I spend my money on bowling. I'm not a very good bowler. Bowling was my form of release. For one, one doesn't need a partner for bowling. Plus, i could temporarily leave that eternal hell. Well, bowling did provide that very comfort for a while. It doesn't now.

You enter a bowling center. You see families. You see couples. And you see yourself alone.

Loneliness is not an entity by itself. Togetherness brings with it loneliness. With a happy family comes a lonely man. The lonely man sees a happy family and he knows that he is lone. If there weren't any happy families and all were lone, could there have been the existence of the lonely man?

Why not find another say some. What they do not realise is that reciprocity does not always accompany one's perseverance. What's the point of trying when one attempt after another always end in failure? And failure brings with it a dented ego? How many cuts can one take before he collapses?