a new beginnning

It has been ages since i last written an entry. A month and a half ago i believe. I had just gone through my very last post. Just to recall what i'd said then. Ah yes, i was still all jitters about my exam results then. Glad all those tense moments are over. At least for now.

My results were so damn good. More like heavenly. I graduated with a second uppers. Something i've been trying so hard to work for. All those greyed hair and falling tears. It might have seem so unmanly to cry when one's in his twenties. But believe me, men do not only cry when it concerns their love life. I had friends who cried doing laboratory reports in university. Myself? I cried after my very paper in university. Then it happened again the next semester. And the following. People deal with the stresses of life in different ways. Some confide in friends and families. Some smoke. Personally, i prefer crying. Effective. To release all troubles inside oneself, and to clear one's mind on the steps to be taken next.

On the whole, the months after my exams had been great. I cliched my first job on my very first job interview, i got my second uppers. And i got into last semester's dean's list. To add to my euphorism, i got a live interview during my commencement. Truly, i do hope i make my parents damn proud.

People would always ask me what my goals of life were. I always felt that unlike most people, i didn't have a specific goal in life. Some people yearn to get married to the girl they've been dating; some yearn to buy a house or car; some just want to make lots and lots of money. It's like none of these for me.

For a start, i've never dated a girl.

I can see the entire universe laughing at me. 26 and never dated? HAHAHAHAHAHA...It's only natural. I would have laughed at someone who'd admit he'd never watched porn before. People would always tell me to go out and find someone. Sometimes i'm just sick and tired of that. Go out and find someone? That sounds more like you're asking me to visit those you know i know places. And what i need is love, not just sex.

People who know me would have known by now that i do not belong to a happy family. Most people are able to relish the warmth of one's home after a day's hard work. But never me. I do not have many close friends as well. I'm indifferent most of the time, except when it comes to study and work. Nonchalent. I prefer the corner rather than the centre of a room. As much as i yearn to have a girl to cuddle and say sweet nothings to, i know it's an expedition to Everest. Many a time have i tried to put aside my ego and be friendly, but it has always turned out wrong. And every defeat has made me realise the carnage done to my otherwise strong ego.

I don't like watching lovey-dovey shows. It's not like i'm too man to watch them. It's more like they remind me of my predicament. There are always people who say that not having girlfriends are the best time of a man's life. And i say bullshit. For a start, these people are attached with girlfriends. What seem ironic to them is sacarstic to me. Have you ever wondered what you would do after working for the whole week and when it finally comes your off day, you have no plans whatsoever. And you spent the day like me sleeping and watching tv on saturday when everyone's with someone. For weeks and weeks to come? To see whether this is true, just log on to Messenger on a saturday night and see how many friends you'd find online there.

I just hate saturdays. At least this moment.