a short crash course into the history of Singapore

I should have entered this article a week ago. While the exhilaration was still there. All you nice people out there must have known by now that i am one boring person who does nothing but idle. I would switch on my bro's PS2 when i'm bored. When i am so darn stressed out i would bowl my hard-saved money down the gutters. Alone. I would rent a nice book. Only if i happen to spot one. There aren't many eye-catching books these days. There aren't many at this rent-a-book shop that's 5 bus-stops away from home. I spend my weekends watching crappy drama serials on TV8. Well, on a hindsight, they aren't that shitty anyway. At least they amuse me on my weekends.

But i had a wonderful day last Saturday. I went to SENTOSA! With my brother and his wife. They were real nice. Knew i was gonna feel lonely and bored on my weekends, so they kinda asked me along. Kinda hesitated at first. My mum's incessant self-chatting triggered my decision.

Was damn guilty. I wanted to take pics for the couple initially. In the end, it was my bro and i who hogged the snapshots. Take a look at our pics.

Figure 1. Two men in the Harbourfront-Sentosa shuttle bus. (My brother in black; me in white)

Figure 2. Two men and the Old Man in the tree.

Figure 3

. In an old kopi-house.

Figure 4

. Drinks vendor.

Figure 5. Watching a puppet show with Mei-mei.

Think the last picture is eerie? Wait till you see the original one.

Stay tuned!

y i dislike special days

I dislike public holidays. I dislike days of special significance. It wasn't like that when i was much younger. I had lots of company then. Holidays didn't bring as much loneliness as they do now.

When my younger brother and i were still in our primary and secondary school, we absolutely adored holidays. They were days when we could get together with our basketball games. They were times when we would sit in front of the google box playing our favorite Sega or Nintendo games. They were instances when we could wander about Ang Mo Kio Central to look for new games and toys. Both of us spent our holidays togetther.

Now my little brother is married. Although i very much am happy he's living life to rthe fullest, i am saddened by the lost of company. My brother and his wife do make lots of efforts to accomodate the lonely me, and i fully appreciate their actions. I don't have very good friends who'd spent weekends with me.

The very crux to my lonely life, i have to admit, is that i'm single. I have nice sisters and friends who'd tell me not to worry about landing myself a girlfriend. Well, worry is not a precise word to describe that exact emotion. I'm not worried. I'm just disappointed. I'm just dismayed. I'm just lamenting how useless and hopeless i am. I'm just lonely.

Put it this way; even nthe last of my bachelor buddies just got themselves female companionships within the past year. No more Friday pool sessions. No more Sunday mahjong sessions. Everyone's have someone to talk to; everyone's have someone to wtach movies with; everyone's have someone to whisper sweet nothings to. Everyone except me.

Imagine not watching movies at all cos there's no one to share your popcorn with. Imagine shopping alone all the time. Imagine not wanting to leave home most of the time cos the sight of couples after couples outdoors would only remind you of your solitude. Imagine not celebrating your birthday at all cos there's no one around to sing a birthday song. Imagine going bowling alone while you see lurvy-dovey couples sharing their bowling games. Imagine paying for cellphone bills knowing that you under-utilised them again cos no one messages nor calls you frequently.

While there is freedom being single, but what is freedom for when there isn't restriction. I may spend money on buying stuff for myself, but do i gain any satisfaction in doing so? I may save up lots and lots of money, but do i feel happy about it? I'd be happier spending money on someone to make her happy. I'm happy when my parents are happy. I'm happy when my little brother is happy. But would anyone care if i'm happy? Would anyone feel my disappointment, my dismay or my anxiety?

electrified

As all of you people must have known, i'm a very very shy guy. I hate to admit it but a fact's a fact. Interestingly, i wasn't a shy boy until i reached like Primary4. If my memory didn't fail me. I was like WITH the girls from the day i started kindergarden till Primary 4. Have no idea what changed that. I could do a thesis on that. First-hand account. Let's see...I didn't play Barbie with them though. Played hopscotch, zero-point, catching, badminton....All girls plus me....and probably another guy...Took things for granted then. Retribution.

Remembered that when i was in Primary 1, this small guy from class came up to me during recess and told me that Geraldine was HIS girlfriend. Well, Geraldine was one cute girl in class then. And i was like: HUH?!?...Apparently, this obsessed Geraldine fanatic didn't like her playing with ME all the time. Then that male-hussy started crying. My mum had to come in to console her. Him. Didn't think things would be soooo much different now.

Boys envied me. I could see those green-eyed menaces lurking all the time. I had thought then that they were just jealous because i had the most active life. Pure children activities. Not the adult thing. I didn't know what boobs were then. All i knew then was that girls didn't have dicks. Naive, gullible and innocent me. Stupid me.

But somehow, everything changed when i was promoted to Primary 4. I hung out more with boys. Not that i was gay or anything. Just that girls matured faster i think. Probably they didn't want to hang out with a freak with a dick. So, the bunch of us guys played our guy activities. No more envy. Young as i was, throwing and kicking balls were much more exciting than dating a girl. As i had said earlier, i'm not into the whole idea of romance and love at that time.

Well, i have to stop my life story here. Have to leave some for my biography later in my life in case i become famous or infamous one day. The whole idea about this shy thing is just to start off this entry. I'd just reached home an hour and a half ago. And an hour and fifteen minutes ago, an incident happened in the NEL MRT i was in.

A staring incident.

Not the type where ah bengs and ah sengs beat up ah kow because one of the ah bengs felt emotionally raped and violated when ah kow eyed him.

I was in the MRT heading home as usual (no more 105 for me) when this cute girl sat opposite me. While commuters lurvvv reading something or punching the keypads of their cellphones, i have to say i don't quite like doing those. Its okay if u read magazines or books. But it's utterly annoying when people around you start flipping through pages of newspapers. They spread their arms wide open; their papers blocking airflow around you; dust spew in all directions when they flip the pages. Well, so i just sit there and start observing everyone. Not in the sexual connotation.

This cute girl did not read anything. She did not fiddle with her cellphone. And i was attracted. Plus, she dresses just the way i luv girls to look like. Either baby tees or spaghetti tops with nice fitting jeans. Simple. Curious and attracted as i am, i threw a few glances to check her out. Good. A little like Lin XiLei. Then that shocker came.

Just as i lifted my head, my eyes met hers. And we just stared. For about 3-4 seconds. That electrifying gaze nearly sent my nose bleeding. I had to turn away first. I'm just too weak for a strong opponent. It's not those puppy look which she had given me. It's that cold stare. The utter coldness that brought about a tinge of bite. While most girls i've met filled me with warmth, hers was different. Hers was mystical.